Do you believe that when we dream about a loved one who has passed away, that they are actually visiting with us in our sleep? I've thought a lot about this since the dream encounters I've had with my Dad, and the more I think about it the more I hope it to be true. A few of the books I suggested in the other post even support this idea.
During the last several days in hospice care, my Dad was unresponsive and essentially comatose (breathing but unable to communicate, respond, or open his eyes). During those days, I sat for hours in a chair at his bedside and held his hand. Even during the last night with him I slept in that chair with our hands entwined. I remember one day I was telling him I wished he could tell me that he knew I was there next to him, holding his hand; I wishes that he could squeeze my hand back to let me know that he felt me next to him. Then one day, he slowly tightened his fingers to grip my hand, and then gently raised his arm in the air. I couldn't believe my eyes, and thought that he was beginning to come back to me. His lips moved as if he were about to form his first words in days, but then he began to tremble and shiver in a mild spastic episode. I didn't know what was happening at the time, but apparently this was the body's natural process of muscles shutting down. With tears in my eyes, I joked with him that he sure had a dramatic way of answering my request for him to squeeze my hand and let me know that he felt my presence beside him.
On a few occasions over the next two days he would have these episodes, and each time I wondered if it would be the last. The first time my Dad visited me in a dream was the first night I spent back at my house after he passed at the hospice center. As we were falling asleep, my husband interlocked his fingers with mine, and slept soundly next to me. In my dream, I was back at the hospice center beside him. Suddenly he squeezed my hand and raised his arm, again and again throughout the night. In a not-awake-yet-not-asleep state, I began to cry and comforting him, "I'm right here Dad", "It's OK Dad", and "I love you". When I awoke, I sobbed because it felt so authentic; crying because he was really gone, but also because I was overwhelmed by the feeling of holding his hand again - it felt like his hand in mine. My husband didn't realize he was moving his hand or arm at all, but promised to never hold my hand while sleeping, in hopes he wouldn't bring about this reaction again. But I truly felt blessed to have had the experience, because it was almost like having a few minutes with him again.
I had a few dreams that week in which he visited me. Each time for only a short while, without much conversation at all, but each time with a long and amazing embrace. I actually felt his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. And each time I woke up mid-hug, tears streaming down my face immediately for the same reasons - the reality was unbelievable.
Those dreams have since ceased, and it's been months since the last one. I've often prayed that I could receive a visit again, but have not experienced one yet. I think perhaps my Dad is afraid to come to me during my dreams, because he does not want me to awake so emotional, but honestly it's totally worth it to feel his presence, to see his face, and hear his voice so clearly, so absolutely, in this other world where we can both exist together.
No comments:
Post a Comment