Greeting Cards

While going through my Dad's things, I found several greeting cards I had given him over the years.  Some I had made and colored myself during early childhood years, and some were store bought with handwritten messages.  I couldn't believe he had kept so many of them.  While reading through my personal messages, I found myself wishing I had written so much more.  Wishing I had written about how much he meant to me, how much I valued the time he spent with me, that he drove hours just to have dinner with me (even when he was sick). 

Immediately I combed through all of the things I had saved in albums and scrapbooks.  I saved every card my husband had given me.  I saved only two greeting cards from my Dad.  My heart hurt so much to recall the many wonderful cards I remember him sending, full of hand-written messages of how proud he was of me, how much he loved me, and all the wonderful things he never hesitated to say.  All of those cards now gone.  I somehow saved one random Christmas card, and the card he gave me at my wedding.  Both were beautiful and wonderful, but I longed for so many more.

I thought to myself, "Maybe I have some old emails full of kind words" and I searched my email folders for any correspondence between us.  I found only a few brief messages that read something like "Looking forward to seeing you this weekend for the baseball game", some email forwards of cute animal pictures or patriotic stories, and a reply for an old eCard he sent me on my Birthday.  Those were always so wonderful and had a touching message.  I attempted to open it, but the link was expired.  During the last couple of years while he was battling cancer, he rarely checked his email, so we got out of the habit of communicating that way.  I had hoped there would be some sort of tangible message full of loving words that I could print and save as some sort of mantra to repeat to myself when I began to miss him.  To somehow remind myself of how much he loved me, and how readily and poetically he made that love known.  But I only had these 2 greeting cards left.

I've tried not to torture myself over having thrown so many things away over the years, as I'm sure I'm not alone in this.  But to anyone out there reading this, I hope you will save these special messages from your loved ones, because you really never know how important they will seem later.  These words can renew your spirit, like the embrace I remember and wish I could feel again, these words are like my Father's arms wrapping around me telling me that he loves me.  I only wish I had more of them, but I am so grateful to have any of them at all.  He never hesitated to tell me all the wonderful things he felt about me; so often in fact that I automatically hear his voice when I think of those affections.  I guess I'm lucky that I knew so clearly, so undoubtedly, so truly, how much he loved me.